Writing This / Writing That

on academic writing, substack, and silliness

Somehow a recent post of mine has gained some traction. Not like….early 2010s write a blog and get a book deal traction, but, you know, more than only my friends reading it. This has resulted in a few new subscribers which is quite thrilling and means so much to me. Hi, new pals! (Or new haters, you never know if your enemies have clocked in).

But also, I’m worried (I have OCD, I am almost always worried). I’m worried that post — about Lucy Dacus — was misleading. A lot of this newsletter is just silliness. I started this partly because my friends Sophie and Daniel wanted me to so there was one place where they could see my pop culture thoughts, and partly because in my day-to-day, I spend most of my time doing academic reading, writing, and research. I wanted a space to write without the same amount of brain power. This is not to say that people don’t do that here. They do! But I am tired and for me, I use this newsletter in a different way than I do my academic work — by intention. I never expected anybody beyond my small circle of people would read it.

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I know there’s a lot of typos in some of these newsletters. For one, I have too many anxiety disorders. For two, who fucking cares man? Sometimes I miss things. Letting that go on this platform has been an exercise for me in terms of, I don’t know, trying to be slightly more ‘chill’. I don’t write this the way that I write my academic work. Not because I care less, but because I need a space where I get to worry less. Which is something I need (and is hard for my brain to embrace — I have a whirlpool of conflicting thoughts as I type this).

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Academia is tricky. I have a complicated relationship with it and I know I am not the only one. I didn’t grow up around academics or around people with degrees. You might be thinking “who did?” but honestly, lots of people! Especially in grad school. I did have one parent that had a Bachelor’s Degree. He worked a job where he wore a suit. This made him eligible for a crown in my mythology of my childhood. I never thought about university as something that really existed, it was just on American TV shows, and I never thought about it for myself. When we got closer to the ages where you’d maybe start thinking about it, the one parent warned us that we weren’t allowed to waste our time on art or English or any of “that”. It was hard not to take this as a comment on the other parent, the one who we lived with, who had no degree and worked minimum wage jobs, but had remarkable artistic skills. She still might, I wouldn’t know. What I mean is: I never thought this would be my life. But it is very hard, too. And I feel vulnerable saying that it can be very hard, because doing well in school is how my value has been communicated to me for a very long time. That other parent, the one with the Good Job, would pay us for report cards (starting early). We lost money for grades that weren’t good enough. Cs. NOW LISTEN: if you are rolling your eyes, I get it. That is not really a big sob story. (And it is not part of the trauma that makes up my personal lore). BUT IT IS WEIRD. It is a weird thing to communicate to children. I digress. I am so fortunate to have funding, to have a great supervisor, and to have a lifestyle that allows me to be at home, theorizing and thinking. This life means so much to me, which might be why I worry so much.

I remember when I received my undergrad acceptance, which is funny because people around me know how little of my early life I remember. But I do remember that. I had been talking to the admissions person at Carleton and they were very kind. They emailed me early to let me know that I had gotten in, but that the official news would come later. I was standing alone at the bus stop, early in the morning, waiting to go to high-school. I had been kicked out of my house the year prior. And I remember being very emotional about receiving this news at such a random time (that BC-Ontario time difference, y’know?) while I was, once again, alone. That moment changed my life. It gave me another out. It let me build a life for myself away from so many things that had hurt me. I know how lucky I am. I also know that I worked very hard to get here. Both of these things are true.

writing this

I wanted to start this newsletter for fun. I don’t spend a great deal of time thinking about how smart what I am saying is or doing extra research or anything like that. I don’t claim my newsletter to be academic or professional. I could’ve articulated that Lucy Dacus post a million better ways. I could’ve dug into my well of theory. I didn’t want to. Because I need this space to be different, where I can write freely and be silly.

Silliness and academia are not mutually exclusive, but it is true that I have to write a certain way there. And I am somebody who tries to keep their academic work accessible. This space, though, was just for my thoughts. I know that I’m not a film critic professional. I don’t know all the ins and outs and I don’t write long, intellectual essays about movies. Not because I can’t, but because I wanted this space to just…be different than where I do have to (get to) write long essays. It’s also true that the things I know, the knowledge I have and where I am oriented in the world, are imbued into everything I write here.

So if you’re new here, or if you’re one of my pals finally locking in, this place is for fun and silliness and thoughts that, sure, are coming from me, a person who is In Academics, but are not put together as though it is academic work. I like to talk about how a movie made me fee and what *I* got from it. I’m not saying that I’m Right or some great authority. I’m just here, trying to write this so I can have fun and stay as sane as possible while I write that (i.e. my dissertation).

I guess that’s all. I love movies, I love TV, I love art and feeling and being a little silly about the things we like and the things we dislike. I love to hear what other people think about the things that I love or hate. There will be typos. There will be silliness. And there will be a deep, deep hatred for the way they wrote off Stanford in And Just Like That….

And some of us do both!!

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If you feel duped by that one post, you can read some of more Seriously Articulated thoughts here:

• Feminist Theory journal

• Films for the Feminist Classroom - lesson plan on gender-based violence and the problems with True Crime

• Perspectives on Gender, Equity, and Politics - Tracy Chapman songs as theory production