Protecting the Preciousness of Heartstopper
Some Queer feelings.
A few disclaimers:
- I read the Heartstopper graphic novels (Vol. 5 coming in December! Woo!).
- I am speaking from my own experiences which form my opinions! You don’t have to agree! Queerness is not universal.
- There might be spoilers, defending on how you define spoiler, but I think everybody needs to relax a bit on that front.
Let The Bébés Be Precious
I saw a tweet from a writer whose opinions I generally agree with and enjoy, that said their one critique of Heartstopper is that it’s “too precious”. Although that’s a pretty minor criticism, it stuck with me. I am exhausted by the interest in everything being Euphoria or Skins or even Pretty Little Liars or One Tree Hill or any of the other countless dramatic and dark teen shows that have moments of levity. I know that being a teenager is absolute hell. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy! It can be dark and messy and complicated and painful and of course there are teens that deal with what the characters face in shows like Euphoria and Skins. I know that teens have sex and do drugs and get drunk and have eating disorders and self-harm and are depressed and anxious and scared. Trust me, I know! I was a teenager once, believe it or not. Heartstopper knows this, too. The books and the show do not shy away from that—as the story progresses we get more insight into Charlie’s own experiences of self-harm and disordered eating and his overall mental health. There is bullying in the Heartstopper world. There’s transphobia and homophobia and abusive parents and mental health struggles and the author/creator, Alice Oseman, does not romanticize these things or pretend they don’t happen. So why isn’t it enough?
Why can’t the show have these things and also have supportive adults and an amazing Queer friend group and positive role models? Just because so many of us didn’t have that, doesn’t mean that younger folks shouldn’t. It also doesn’t mean that this show, which is a work of fiction, can’t imagine something better. I appreciate the perspective that art should reflect the world, but also…art also imagines a better world?? Why is it impossible that a group of young Queer people like this exists? Why is it implausible that there are supportive grown ups who want these kids to be happy? Why is it a bad thing for a show to tackle the hard stuff while also being colourful and joyful and tender and sweet and romantic? Why is that deemed something to critique or laugh at?
If Heartstopper is “too precious” I hope it stays that way. I hope that, like the novels, when things get hard they are balanced with the beauty of a supportive friend group and relationships that prioritize safety and comfort. I never want to become so jaded that I am annoyed at a show about Queer teenagers for imagining a better world—I just want that world to be real already. I hope that for some teens it is. That they have the type of friends who make them feel loved beyond measure.
Don’t Reject Cringe—Reject the Part of You That Cringes!
Something else I’ve seen a lot of is the critique that the show can be too “cringe”. One of the “cringe” factors, according to People On The Internet is that the characters (usually Nick), Google things too much. OH I’M SORRY, you’ve never Googled “am I gay?” or anything like that?!? You just KNOW everything???????? Okay, call MENSA I guess?? Good grief. What a weird bone to pick with this show! This season, Nick Googled “eating disorders” because he’s noticed Charlie’s relationship to food and HE IS A 16 YEAR OLD AND DOESN’T KNOW EVERYTHING?! Some of y’all pretend to know everything when you don’t, maybe you SHOULD be Asking Jeeves!!!!!!!! Maybe you SHOULD be doing a quick Google before you open your mouth!
On the other “cringe” content: Nick insisting that he’s bisexual when people call him “gay”. I’ve seen too many TikToks and Tweets from other queer people about how annoying it is and I AM EXHAUSTED BY Y’ALL. That’s why I kept the q in Queer lowercase for you, because you clearly have no politic just vibes and loose brain cells rattling around. Because what do you mean this bothers you???? WHY?! When I was growing up we had two choices: you were a boy or a girl and you were gay or straight. That’s it. Near the end of my time in high-school, bisexuality came about (invented by that episode of Sex and the City, obviously). BUT it was only sort-of-okay when it was a girl who was bisexual, because then it could be exploited and sexualized. Boys couldn’t be bisexual, because that means they are just gay (obviously people level this critique towards many bisexual people, but in the early aughts this is how it was discussed). It is important that Nick labels himself HOW HE WANTS TO BE LABELED. Nobody has to label themselves (that’s not the point here). It’s important that he vocalizes and corrects people because somewhere, a kid is watching this show and learning something about themselves. Nick is bisexual!!!!! Bisexual people exist!!! If you take him saying “I’m bi, actually” as some sort of slight against “gay” then you really truly honestly deeply need to open a book or touch grass or get some fresh air or something. The existence of bisexuality doesn’t diminish other sexual orientations. (Maybe if people got a grip and didn’t assume people are just gay or straight, he wouldn’t have to!!!!!!!! It’s almost like part of the thesis of the show is to stop making assumptions about sexuality and gender and what those things look like!!!!! It’s almost like people can use multiple or shifting language to describe themselves!!!!). I love how much he says it!!! The same way I LOVE that Tara and Darcy say that they’re lesbians. BE LESBIANS, I LOVE LESBIANS!! Just like it will be amazing to see Issac’s ace journey in the next season—some of which we saw at the tail end of this season. If a character being bisexual—and naming that—is the most irritating part of your day, then…..get a hobby or something.
I am exhausted by other Queer people demanding very specific performances from one another (if we’re being all the way honest, this is usually white queers). You can’t be a lesbian if you’re non-binary or trans-masc or both (an actual thing I’ve seen people say online). You can’t be bisexual if you’re a cis woman with a cis man (and listen, I know this one gets complicated re: said women having shitty, cis and hetero boyfriends who are actually awful and therefore where is the solidarity, but you get what I’m saying). If you’re “passing”, you have to lay prostrate on the floor every time somebody assumes you’re straight/cis/whatever the fuck it is, and apologize to the other Queers for daring to present in a way that feels good to you. (Don’t even get me started on the shit I’ve seen from young lesbians saying they don’t want to grow up to be an old butch, despite the fact that the existence of our Queer elders is actually magic and old butches are hot). I am so exhausted by this! Somebody once accused my frustration on this topic to just be projecting because I don’t feel Queer enough and I had to laugh. Don’t worry about me, honey. I know I’m a [redacted]. Worry about white queers who decide they’re better than other Queer people because they have a bad haircut. Oh you’re soooOooOoo edgy and cool because you cringe at somebody saying they’re bisexual? Wow! I am exhausted because fans (and non-fans) of Heartstopper accused then 18-year-old Kit Connor (who plays Nick) of “queer baiting”1 by being in this show, thus forcing him to come out. And guess what, he’s bisexual! Not that anybody deserves that information and he should’ve never been bullied into giving it. How do you think it feels for him and for other cast members to portray these characters? Maybe READ something before you tweet your dumb tweets!!!! Like this interview with him and Joe Locke (who also had never publicly labelled his sexuality but nobody seemed to accuse him of “queer baiting”, they just jumped to bullying the guy who plays the ‘sporty’ one—mind you he also played a young Elton John—but oooookay), or this piece with Yasmin Finney who plays Elle, the queen of my heart. Why aren’t you happy for them? Are you so angry about growing up in the 80s, 90s, early aughts that you don’t want young Queers to feel joy?? If that’s the case, I am sorry. I know that shit was rough. Trust me. But for fuck sakes, you gotta be happy for these bébés. SO JUST LET NICK NELSON BE BISEXUAL, YOU COWARDS. Grow UP. Again I say: the show is talking about the fact that nobody should be forced to come out or be forced to be one version of what people think Queerness is. Did you even WATCH?! Or did you just hear “bisexual” and go have a hissy fit?
The final subject of “cringe” has been the excess of kissing and hand-holding and running around laughing and honestly what the fuck do y’all WANT?!?! Should they just be miserable all the fucking time? Here is a secret: FALLING IN LOVE IS CRINGE! BEING IN LOVE IS CORNY! IT’S GOOFY. EMBRACE IT. My god, if people saw the things my partner and I said to each other when we started dated, and honestly even now….yikes. We have song lyrics engraved in our wedding bands for goodness sakes. Being in love is silly and beautiful!!!!!!! And remember, these characters are in HIGH-SCHOOL. Being in your first ever relationship is so cringe. Let these characters kiss and hug and text each other too much and giggle and sneak hidden glances and fall the fuck in love. For the umpteenth time: not every show with teens needs to be some R-rated nonsense. (Why do you want to see teen characters [redacted], is my question). If you need that, go stream Normal People or something.
Love is beautiful and silly and a bit cringe in the best way. Embrace that. Kill the part of you that cringes.
ILYSM Mr. Ajayi and Mr. Farouk and Coach Singh
The precious, beautiful world of Heartstopper includes some LGBTQ+ adults that make me giggle and cry. We met Mr. Ajayi (the art teacher) and Coach Singh (PE teacher and sports coach) in season one. In season two, we meet Mr. Farouk and when I tell you they NAILED the comics (helps that Oseman is behind the show)…wow. The budding romance between Mr. Ajayi and Mr. Farouk included a very moving scene where Mr. Farouk talks about realizing he was gay later in life and how he missed out on those beautiful, gay teen experiences. I CRIED. Mr. Ajayi doesn’t shame him (the way some of the aforementioned white queers with edgy haircuts would!!!!!!), but tells him that it’s never too late. AND HE’S RIGHT. It is never ever ever ever ever ever too late to figure out who you are. It is never too late to have some childish fun. To give your inner child a hug and let them experience the things they never got to. It’s never too late to be who you are, and you don’t owe anybody an explanation for that.
When Coach Singh walks in on Charlie and Nick kissing, she has a meeting with Nick where she tells him that she understands it can be hard—she met her wife in college, but even in women’s rugby, people were homophobic towards her. She always tells Charlie (in season one and two) that if any of the boys on the team are giving him a hard time, to let her know. And she ships Ajayi-Farouk. She is my everything.
Okay okay, facetiousness aside, these adult characters are so important to the Heartstopper universe both within the context of the show and for viewers. To have Queer adults around all these amazing young people is so beautiful—for these kids to know that they can talk to the adults around them without being judged is integral to the show’s ability to be as open and Queer as it is. Maybe that’s “too precious” or too good to be true, but again, it’s a work of fiction. It’s a world that we hope to become real, and in the process, maybe somebody, somewhere, is watching this show and learning something about themselves. Maybe young people are watching with their parents as a way to open up to them. Maybe older Queers are watching in admiration. Maybe other adults are watching and realizing things about themselves, too. Maybe, like me, you’re somebody who “came out” late, even though you knew all along, and watching this show fills your heart and breaks it all at once. Maybe you cry for the kid you used to be and smile for the person you are now.
Maybe we just need to let ourselves enjoy a playful world where young Queer people are allowed to experience both the beauty and the pain of being a teenager without the R-rating of HBO. If that makes Heartstopper “too precious” then consider me the bubble wrap. I think we could all use a little more preciousness in our lives.
A person cannot queerbait. Queer-baiting refers to “the form of pledging an allegiance to issues of queer visibility without actually delivering on such an allegiance in any tangible way” (Brennan, 2019, p. 2). Basically, shows/movies hinting at queerness to gain favour with queer audiences, without actually producing or following through on those plot-lines.
YES YES YES YES YES YES x 1000000000000000
My grinch heart grows bigger every single time Nick says "bisexual, actually," and this show is a gift to my younger self. I can't fucking IMAGINE watching a show as a teen that normalized the two things I love most: being bisexual and talking about feelings with my friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Because of my own ~*stuff*~, this isn't a show I can just throw on. It is BECAUSE it is so openhearted and presents a potential near-future that is safer (not even fully safe! why do people seem to forget about the actual issues brought up in the show?) for queer folks, that it stirs up a lot of feelings in me, including grief.
I think the sincerity is what makes people uncomfortable, and I can admit that I have to be in the mood to watch such vulnerability, too. It's not safe to walk around openhearted all the time, and I think it's easier to critique the show's earnestness than admit that by seeing the potential of what could be, we have to reckon with how homophobia (et al) continues to constrain our lives.
This season was everything I wanted and more and made my (fully came out as BISEXUAL (shock-awe!) at 28 years old) heart soar. And I will protect these bébés at all cost.