The Second Time Carrie Has Her Shoes Stolen
SATC Season 6(a): Episode 8-12
Well here we are bringing an end to 6(a). By the end, I’ll be in tears.
Episode 8: The Catch
Lincoln from Broad City’s favourite episode!
We open with Carrie “my career had reached new heights — literally!” She’s doing the flying trapeze, aka the ultimate high for “swingers”. I think it’s meant to be a double entendre. Stanford is there for support and yells “you’re queen of the world!” To which Carrie replies “YOU’RE queen of the world!”. Carrie does the first jump/swing, but then she won’t do the catch with the instructor. That’s the theme of the episode, get it?? Learning to let go and trust you’ll be caught? Or in the words of extremely punchable singer/avocado farmer Jason Mraz “leap and the net will appear”.
Across town, Samantha is caught in her dress because the zipper is stuck. Meanwhile, in Central Park, Charlotte and Harry are trying to have their wedding announcement photo taken and Harry is being very awkward because yeah it’s a weird situation???Carrie’s VO commentary includes something about a photographer “catching them” on camera. Get it!!! They are so fucking happy together I love them so much.
Over at Miranda’s, Steve comes home with Brady in a whimsical t-shirt courtesy of his girlfriend Debbie….who also got Miranda an aromatherapy candle. Steve asks if they could find a time for Debbie and Miranda to meet because she’s around Brady and stuff, which is very respectful and makes sense, and Miranda is like no no no I’m good.
Cut to: Miranda is at lunch with the girls and obviously ranting about the candle and how she doesn’t want to be Debbie’s friend and Carrie is like no no you do not need to be friends and Charlotte is like well there is a baby involved…and Miranda says “exactly, she’s using the baby to get to me and I am not falling for it”. UHH?????? What??? This person is around your child???? Stop being so weird!!!
Carrie is now telling them about her fear of letting go at the trapeze thing. Sam says “you are insane for getting into a harness without even the HOPE of an orgasm”. Icon. Just then, Harry and his bff Howie show up to drop off some stuff with Charlotte and then Harry says he’s going to check on the calligraphy or something and Howie comments about how they need to go find their balls? Because caring about your wedding to the woman you love is for GIRLS. Am I right, fellas?? Anyway, Harry and Charlotte are trying to set Carrie and Howie up.
After the guys leave, Carrie is like ugh no I am not doing a fling what’s the point he’s leaving town it’s dumb and the girls protest and whatever I am bored. Carrie is back home writing but honestly I am zoning out. Something about leaving fear behind and having fun. Back at the trapeze, she once again does not let go for the catch. METAPHOR!!!!
Over at Charlotte’s, Anthony is on the phone yelling at a wedding vendor “this is Yentl chic!!!” Then Charlotte comes out in her dress and it’s GORGEOUS. Way better than her first one.
Charlotte and Anthony are dancing around all excited and then Harry comes home and Charlotte starts panicking about how Harry isn’t supposed to see her and it’s bad luck and she runs out of the room. Then Harry asks Anthony if all brides are this bad and Anthony says that no, he once had a bride give herself a stroke but she pulled it together for the big day LOOOOL MY GOD??
Over at Sam’s, she’s trying to put a bracelet on by herself and Smith is talking about his filming in Canada and Sam is not really listening but then says that he should do whatever he wants when he’s on location (i.e. doesn’t have to be exclusive). He does help put the bracelet on, though. Chekov’s bracelet.
At Miranda’s, she’s singing songs to Brady about a flying trapeze and then she hears Debbie and Steve in the hall so she tells Magda to tell them she’s not home and goes to run to hide in the bedroom BUT WAIT they need something from Brady’s crib, which is in the bedroom, so naturally Miranda hides under the bed.
From under the bed, Miranda spots Debbie’s shoes and we hear Debbie say “this is a nice room, she has nice taste!”. Brady drops his binky, so Miranda grabs it and throws it back where they can see it which means we get to see Debbie’s nails — square, acrylic, French manicure. Magda comes into the bedroom seeing Miranda crawl out from under the bed with dust in her hair.
Over at Charlotte’s for a casual rehearsal dinner, Carrie is like why are you a lint trap!??!! Miranda tells her about the whole thing and Carrie asks if she got a good look at Debbie to which Miranda says “just her nails and her shoes”. Carrie asks “and?” and Miranda says “both acrylic”.
Sam comes over and tells them that she saw the Howie guy and Carrie is once again protesting against casual sex all of a sudden. Then in VO she says she decided they were right so she goes to find Howie. We’re with her greeting him in a room, and Howie does a whole Funny Guy thing and says “this is awkward, would you please stop calling me?!” Anyways……they Do Sex and it is scary to watch I literally have to cover my eyes every time. I would never subject y’all to an image of this.
The next morning, Charlotte runs to grab her paper and………she has an ink moustache in the photo……….and it’s……..well, you can see. She calls Carrie to ask if her paper has it too. Carrie is laying on the floor with a heating pad, as the bad sex gave her a muscle spasm. Charlotte is freaking out about the bad luck starting (since he saw her in the dress).
Over at the wedding, Stanford is walking Carrie inside and he makes a granny joke because she’s hunched over from her Bad Sex injury. He’s like ooo a sex injury how fun and she’s like NO bad sex, jack rabbit sex, I do not enjoy. JUST THEN…Howie spots them. Stanford makes a graceful exit and Howie approaches Carrie with a big hug and says he got a hotel room with a big tub, and they can room service breakfast before he goes. Carrie goes “yeah…I don’t know…I’m pretty tired from last night” in her best upbeat/brush off voice. He’s like oh well I’m only here for one night and I wanna get to know you and Carrie goes “we’ll see…” and he’s like…oh I know what THAT means so Carrie goes “well you’re just visiting…so I figured….it was like…a one night kinda thing” and Howie is astounded and says “if I’d known you were just using me, I wouldn’t have made love to you like that” AND I AM HOWLING because based on what I read/hear from my friends who are out there dating men……..the more things change, the more they stay the same. SCARY!!!!!!!
During the ceremony, as the Rabbi is explaining what the ceremony entails, Howie mouths “fuck you” to Carrie. PARDON ME?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?! No wonder we never see this fucking loser again.
When Harry and Charlotte drink from the cup of wine, it spills a little on her dress. Then, as Harry puts the ring on Charlotte’s finger, Sam is still trying to pull off her bracelet and it breaks everywhere so now they are all bending down to pick up pearls and it’s just a mess. ACT LIKE YOU’VE BEEN SOMEWHERE BEFORE1, MY GOD!! WHY ARE YOU TAKING YOUR BRACELET OFF AT THIS MOMENT?! Then when Harry goes to break the glass, he stomps and stomps and stomps and it does NOT break. In VO Carrie says “it seemed to Charlotte that the wedding had gone from Jewish law to Murphy’s law”. After Charlotte and Harry kiss, she slips on some pearls but Harry has her back so she doesn’t fall.
After the ceremony, Charlotte is in the bathroom crying and trying to dab her dress with a napkin (honestly you can barely see the wine). Charlotte is like I knew we were cursed! And Carrie is like babe you’re missing it you got MARRIED! And Charlotte says she wanted everything to be perfect. Carrie says that she already had a ‘perfect’ wedding and the marriage was a mess so maybe it’s good for the wedding to not be perfect. Carrie says that Charlotte is missing everything, that she has a wonderful man who loves her, and how Carrie wishes she had somebody strong enough to catch her. Episode theme, etc.
As they sit at the reception, Sam laments to Carrie “it was just so beautiful” and Carrie goes “the ceremony?” to which Sam says “my bracelet”. Then….it’s toast time and Howie is SLOSHED and gives a weird rambling speech that includes “People….are a bitch” and then Stanford mumbles to Carrie “is this a toast or a roast?”. Then Howie says “love means never ever having to say…….you used me for sex”. HAHAHAH.
Charlotte says to Harry, “Carrie said the worse the wedding the better the marriage” and Harry says “I think Howie just got us to silver” these cuties!!!!
Then it’s Miranda’s turn and she’s actually quite emotional and earnest about Charlotte being brave when it comes to love BUT THEN….her speech catches fire from one of the candles. Anthony tosses water on it then says “Sorry hon, good speech though”. Charlotte says to Harry “maybe Miranda just got us to our gold”. DON’T WORRY, LITTLE BABIES, YOU WILL BE TOGETHER 4EVER.
Charlotte and Harry are doing the hora and Charlotte is like ahhh I don’t like this I’m afraid and then Harry says “what’s the worst that could happen? We live happily ever after?” AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Then it’s time for Charlotte to toss the bouquet and Miranda mumbles to Carrie that she doesn’t want to catch it because she’s already caught herself on fire and showed emotion in public……….then the bouquet hits her in the head LOOOOOOOOOL.
Carrie does the catch but not quite, but it’s a metaphor that she has a safety net while the gals cheer and the absolutely classic Michelle Branch tune “Breathe” plays in the background. 2
Still not sure what this has to do with her column!
Episode 9: A Woman’s Right to Shoes
THIS EPISODE IS SO………………..
We open with Carrie in VO, “the single New Yorker’s weekend is all about buying….including stuff for the New Yorkers who used to be singles” or whatever. Then we get a montage of Carrie shopping off gift registries.
Cut to: Stanford and Carrie in an elevator with gifts. Carrie does….something that….borders on a blaccent? Par for the course with her. They talk about Marlo Thomas’s “Free to Be You and Me”. This comes back later.
As Carrie and Stanford enter the party, the hosts’s sister says that the gifts go on the table and the shoes…….COME OFF. GASP. Carrie holds up her gift and says “but this…is an outfit”. I do love Stanford and Carrie together.
The host of the party is this gal Kyra who is another one of these pals that they refer to knowing from their younger days in the social scene. This one used to be a photographer.
Over at Miranda’s house, she’s adamant about not wasting time on this co-op board meeting UNTIL MY MAN BLAIR UNDERWOOD ENTERS…………..SUDDENLY SHE IS MORE INTERESTED. Miranda immediately shakes his hand and he introduces himself. Mind you, there are other people in this room but…they are flirting. He’s a doctor for The Knicks and this leads to her saying she’s more of a baseball person. Robert goes “Yankees or Mets?” And Miranda goes “Please….Yankees” (WRONG ANSWER) and Robert goes “ahhh I should’ve known” which in my household is a major burn.
Charlotte and Harry are adapting to living together. Well, Harry is leaving teabags everywhere (which doesn’t quite make sense) and Charlotte is picking them up. This will come back.
Miranda tells Robert she won’t hold the Mets thing against him (you shouldn’t) as she escorts him out. She turns back to the co-op board and says that he’s perfect but the other people are like hmmmm I don’t know and Miranda says “I think we all know what’s not being said here…” Carrie’s VO says “the thing not being said that Miranda was horny and Robert was single” or something like that.
The weird party that Stanford and Carrie are at is winding down and Kyra and her husband are talking about Rich People Things — something about bidding war on a house and then they can’t eat at a restaurant all summer….Billy Joel’s firewood…….anyway, Carrie and Stanford get up to leave and Carrie’s shoes are MISSING.
They go back to tell their friends and Kyra is simply unfazed by the fact that her expensive shoes are missing. The husband just exhales some weed and says “that’s crazy”. Kyra lends some shoes to Carrie to go home in.
The next day, the gals are out for dessert and Carrie is lamenting the loss of her shoes — new Manolos — and how they were very special. Charlotte asked who would steal shoes. Sam asks why their shoes were off. Carrie says the thing that they were told at the party — dirt, germs. Miranda says that it’s kids who have all the germs, because Brady got chickenpox from some kid. Charlotte says “Kyra must have been mortified” and Carrie says that she actually was NOT. Miranda says that legally Kyra owes her. Carrie says she can’t ask her for that. WHY THE FUCK NOT?! Sam goes on a rant about how kids are everywhere and it’s unfair that people with kids get everything blah blah blah.
They ask Charlotte how the matrimonial move-in is going and Charlotte says that its going well but she’s trying to be less rigid and then she says that there is one thing going on that grosses her out: “we have a teabag situation” and Sam goes “oh I understand…just breathe through your nose”. AAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHA. Miranda puts together why that’s called tea-bagging and Carrie says “now I’ve lost my shoes and my appetite” AGAIN UR A SEX COLUMNIST.
Back at Charlotte and Harry’s, they’re in the kitchen and Harry says “you know what I love most about living with you, aside from those nutty little soaps in the bathroom? Living with you” SO CUTE. Then Charlotte fesses up about the teabags. Harry says that he’s been trying to be careful and Charlotte says that she wants him to be himself because its his house now too, and then Harry says “well myself is pretty much a bull in a china shop” and Charlotte says “then you’re a bull in our china shop” and Harry makes a little bull growl and I just love them.
Miranda is in the elevator when Robert enters. He is doing flirting with her and notices she has chickenpox emerging on her face. Then he goes into Miranda’s apartment with her so he can apply camomile lotion to her pox???????
They enter the apartment and he grabs Brady and says that he’s cute. They’re doing flirting over CHICKENPOX because that’s how charming Blair Underwood is.
Carrie is returning Kyra’s sneakers to her since she was in the neighbourhood. Kyra is like “oh you didn’t need to return those I forgot all about them”. Then Carrie is asking about her shoes. Kyra is being very out of touch about it all. Then she says that she should’ve offered to pay for them and that you have kids and loose all sense of social decency. Carrie walks into the apartment and Kyra gestures for her to take off her current shoes. Kyra asks how much they cost and Carrie says “$485” and Kyra says that’s insane for shoes and Carrie goes “you know how much Manolos cost, you used to wear them” and then a kid walks up and Kyra says that they shouldn’t have to pay for her extravagant lifestyle and that they have a “real life” and they can’t care about fancy shoes. OK……RELAX.
Back at home, Carrie is in her closet on the phone with Miranda telling her what happened with Kyra and Miranda says “she’s a bitch” which is true. Carrie says that it’s not about the money but why did Kyra have to shame her? Miranda is going insane from wanting to scratch her chickenpox but Jules & Mimi is on — and then Carrie asks about another handsome black man: Robert. Miranda has not seem him because she’s hiding inside. Carrie then asks if it’s bad that her life is full of shoes, and Miranda says again that Kyra is a fucking bitch.
Carrie is doing her writing and asks “when did it stop being free to be you and me?” because you know, the song earlier and also the whole shoe-shaming thing.
Over at Charlotte and Harry’s, he walks into the kitchen naked, singing, and puts his teabag into the garbage. Charlotte is bit confused. Harry is being himself! And himself is naked. It’s hilarious. We get a montage of Harry being nude at home.
Another day and Carrie is calling Kyra to clear the air about what happened and Kyra says “omg I had forgotten about that days ago” and Carrie is like “okay, well I haven’t” and Kyra goes “wow you must have a lot of time on your hands” which is fucking RUDE. Then Kyra puts the phone down for a second and one of the kids picks it up and asks “hello? Santa?”.
Cut to: Carrie and Charlotte walking down the street eating ice cream and Carrie says yeah I am Santa, I did the math, and between the wedding and the gifts and the baby stuff I’ve spent $2300 on these people! And she’s shaming my $485 shoes? And Charlotte says it’s different because those were gifts, and if she got married and stuff she’d get gifts and Carrie is like, so…..if I don’t ever do that, I get bupkis?? AND I AGREE!!!!!!!!! Anyways, I think it’s actually Tasti D-Lite they’re having, so they stop to share flavours which is very cute even though it’s some bullshit diet frozen dessert.
Elsewhere, Sam is having a Working Lunch and there is a rowdy kid eating pasta with his mom who is giving him all the praise in the world for eating and then a waiter approaches Sam to say no cellphones and she’s like okay well this may annoy some people but what about THAT noise? And the server is like, there’s nothing we can do…that’s a child. So Sam goes over to tell this woman and her son that he’s annoying and the kid throws a handful of pesto pasta onto her white suit. The mom does not care. It’s just odd all around.
Charlotte arrives back home to find (once again) a naked Harry who is so excited to see her and he is saying they need to bring back cocktail hour. In VO Carrie says “Charlotte realized there was something worse that t-bags all over her house — her husband’s t-bags on her new white couch”. And then he sits down, nude, onto her new white couch. And Charlotte is like ahhhhhh I want you to be yourself and I’m almost used to the naked thing. And he’s like oh I knew it was too much and then she’s like no it’s just that maybe you could put something between yourself and the couch…and Harry goes “oh I get it, we got an ass white couch situation”. Ahh yes, that old chestnut! He says he will put on shorts. They’re very cute together.
Miranda is at home watching Jules & Mimi with her chickenpox and Robert knocks on the door YEAH HE IS SOOOOO GORGEOUS. You know that scene in Set it Off where Jada Pinkett’s character and Blaire Underwood’s character are doing flirting and he asks for her number and she says no and he’s genuinely surprised…YEAAAAAAAH EXACTLY (I mean I know Stony takes his number but you get it).
Anyways, he comes in with a Knicks ball for Brady…who is asleep. He wants to know what Miranda is watching so she gives him a rundown of Jules & Mimi and Robert sits down and says he’s intrigued. The show starts and he says “I love a brother with an accent” but then Jules and Mimi are doing sex……and it’s you know….awkward…..a parallel…AAAHHHHHHH!!
Carrie is at home and in VO says “that night I decided I couldn’t wait for a ring, so I decided to give someone else one” and she’s calling Kyra to say she’s getting married to herself and she’s registered at Manolo Blahnik lololololol. “One giant step for me, one small step for womankind”. Next we see Kyra shopping for the shoes with her rowdy kids, and the sales woman is like can you watch them please?
Then Carrie is at home unpacking her shoe delivery. Then she’s doing her Carrie Walk and saying how sometimes it’s hard to walk in a single woman’s shoes, which is why they need special ones to make the walk more fun.
Okay so this is what I think about this whole mess:
Wearing your outside shoes or outside anything inside is disgusting to me. I hate the shoes inside on American TV, I simply cannot sit on my furniture in my outside clothes, I just hate it all. So. I think the taking off the shoes element is justified.
HOWEVER, of course these rich losers have friends that would steal. Rich people are cheap degenerates. The fact that Kyra wasn’t appalled at all was CRAZY!
Adding to that, you can’t judge your friend — who can spend her own money however she wants — for having designer shoes when you live in a massive NYC apartment and were just talking about outbidding somebody on your summer house? You expect us to believe this woman doesn’t still wear designer? Give me a BREAK!
You don’t need to have children to have a “real life”.
Although my Queerly Beloved and I are, in fact, betrothed, we did none of these registry things because it is dumb (for us). BUT I will ABSOLUTELY be making a gift registry when I finish this PhD, which is a much bigger accomplishment than getting married (in my world). The conversation between Charlotte and Carrie about how if you don’t get married or have kids you get zilch? I agree that it’s bonkers.
The guy who mugged Carrie in season 3 had more class than whatever rich loser stole her shoes this time.
The fact that Kyra was fine to buy the shoes for Carrie saying she’s marrying herself instead of just giving her the money in the first place???? The hetero mind is cooked. FRIED.
The whole “kids shouldn’t be everywhere” from Sam is….ick and I actually hate that mentality lol we live in a SOCIETY and children EXIST and they deserve PROTECTION AND CARE. Having said that, it is at least consistent to Sam’s whole deal.
Episode 10: Boy, Interrupted
AKA the one with Annabelle Bronstein aka the one with Geri Halliwell!
Carrie is finding her way through a bar while in VO she is saying she didn’t go to her high-school reunion but when her high-school boyfriend called her for a reunion she had to find out if he still looked like they boy she made-out with. And it’s….Mulder!!!!!!!
Miranda is at home and the doorbell rings and it’s Robert! He didn’t think she would be home on a Saturday night and she says “motherhood” and he says “well what’s my excuse?” Anyways he gives her two courtside tickets to The Knicks. She thought he meant that he was taking her, but no, he was giving her the two tickets.
Back with Carrie and her date, he says that he’s going to be in Connecticut to take a month off from working. Relaxing, sorting through some things, you know how it is. Carrie says “Yeah, sometimes you need to get away” to which he says “sometimes you wonder why you stayed away so long”. FLIRTING! They reach Carrie’s stoop and they decide to kiss because aw heck they’ve done it before. And it certainly is less painful to look at that any of her kisses with Big, which make my stomach churn.
Sam is walking down the street sweating her ass of because it’s the millionth scorching hot day in a row. She runs into “Phoebe” played by Geri Halliwell!!!!! Phoebe says she came from Soho house, where she was lounging by the pool because what else would you be doing in this heat???
At breakfast, Sam is lamenting that she is still on the waitlist for Soho house and wtf don’t they know who she IS??? Carrie tells them about her high-school reunion and that she might like him again?? Charlotte is VERY animated about how excited she is. Carrie says that kissing reminded her of their old kisses. Then Sam says oh wait till you have sex, talk about a homecoming! And then Carrie says, bashfully, “we didn’t go all the way”. Charlotte is like YOU’RE MARRYING HIM! And Carrie is like ok calm down, and then says that how wild would it be to have had the guy way back in high-school when I broke up with him because I thought there was more out there and turns out…NO?!
Then she’s home doing her writing, asking if “we had it right in high-school” NO WE ABSOLUTELY DID NOT NO ABSOLUTELY NOT NO. NAUR.
Sam is at Soho house checking in on her application and the person says that they are not accepting new members because they are at capacity. Sam is like, “do you know who I am?” And the woman says no and frankly she doesn’t care. Sam asks if she can use the washroom before the goes, and when she’s leaving the bathroom a woman working there says oh you left your card on the sink — so that’s how Sam becomes Annabelle Bronstein, i.e. scamming her way into Soho house. Soon she’s back and enjoying pool life, paying in cash of course. She may be a fraud but she’s not a thief!
The theme of this episode is HIGH-SCHOOL in case that wasn’t clear. In VO, Carrie says “elsewhere a fight is about to break out in the cafeteria — only Cafeteria is a trendy new restaurant in Chelsea”. Stanford and Marcus are having lunch and Charlotte and Antony walk in so naturally Stanford walks over to tell them they have to go pick up their suits for prom — a fundraiser being thrown at the “gay, lesbian, bi, transgender center”…….y’all would put us last. I see you, Michael Patrick King.
Anthony is like “what’s the theme? Queer and queerer?” Then Charlotte says she has the best memories of prom because she was the queen. Anthony says “of course you were, darling”. Then the following exchange occurs:
Stanford: I missed my prom in high-school because —
Anthony: — you were gay
Stanfrod: No, my girlfriend and I broke up the night before because —
Anthony: — you were gay
Stanford: no, I wasn’t gay until —
Anthony: [interrupting one last time] you were BORN???
Anyways, they leave and Anthony says to Charlotte that they should be going to the “gay lesbian prostitute prom” and Charlotte is like omg be nice!! And Anthony says that he knows Marcus used to be a gay escort. Charlotte goes “he was NOT” and Anthony says “oh honey wake up and smell the K-Y” and then tells her about seeing his ad in an old Honcho magazine. Then he says there is a picture and he will send it to her.
Cut to: Charlotte and Miranda are at the Knicks game and Charlotte has the piece of paper with the ad. Did Anthony courier this to her???? Miranda’s hair and makeup are EXCELLENT.
Miranda looks over at Robert and says “look how cute he is” and Charlotte says “he is GORGEOUS” and that’s correct. He smiles at Miranda so Charlotte says that he must like her, I mean look at the seats!!!
The Knicks dancers come out and Charlotte goes “did I ever tell you I was a cheerleader?” And Miranda says “no because you knew I would mock you” and then it kinda seems like one dancer and Robert keep looking at each other? The song playing is Proud Mary. Charlotte is like omg what is she doing, and Miranda says “the blonde one in front?” And Charlotte says “she’s flirting with your boyfriend!!” Hahahahahah Charlotte. In VO, “It was Friday night, it was the big game, and Miranda was jealous of a cheerleader”. Woof.
After the game ends, Miranda and Charlotte are standing across from Robert and the blonde dancer and Miranda says they should just leave and Charlotte says no go talk to him, so Miranda starts to walk over but then Robert hugs the cheerleader so Miranda bails.
Carrie and Jeremy are at her place making out and he says he has to go because the last train is in an hour. Carrie says that he should stay and they should go all the way, because now his mom won’t walk in with her laundry and Tab. Then he says that’s true but he has something to tell her which is that actually he’s in a mental institution (his words).
Cut to: Carrie and the gals and Stanford are using Sam’s fake Soho account. Carrie says “I wanted a man to commit not a man who was committed” lol good one Carrie. Anyways, it’s more like a fancy retreat and Sam says she’s had clients go there and Stanford says “how come we’ve never heard?!” and Sam says “because I’m good at my job”. Then Stanford says communication is important and that he knows everything about Marcus and Marcus knows everything about Stanford. Then he swims away.
Charlotte turns to the gals and says oh maybe not everything and she shows them the ad. Just as Stanford swims back and asks to see it. MESS. It’s very uh….students caught with a note in class.
As if that weren’t bad enough, somebody from Soho House comes over to ask which one is Annabelle and Sam says she is, and the guy is like….no…she’s in London for the week and Sam says no I am and he says, she’s British, so Sam puts on a fake accent. He’s like well I just spoke to her on the phone so….Sam is caught but won’t give up. He calls her out on not being from the UK so then she says that’s true, I was raised in India…………Then Carrie says in VO that there is a lot of crazy right here in NY. Something today about multiple personalities. Whatever.
Miranda is checking the mail and Robert comes to check his. He asks where she went after the game and she says that she saw him talking to “that girl” and asks if he likes her and he says “no I like somebody else....I like you” and she says “now how would I know that?” IDK MAYBE THE NUMBER OF TIMES HE HAS SHOWN UP AT YOUR DOOR????????? And they start kissing. Hot. Some of the best kissing on this series! Then are interrupted by a neighbour. LOOOOOOL.
Over at Carrie’s, Jeremy shows up with a bag of marbles3 . Hahahaha he says
”I wanted you to have these in case I loose anymore of mine”. Funny. He says that he probably should’ve worked out what to say but he didn’t know they’d get along so well and he says maybe he made it sound worse than it is. He says it’s like Canyon Ranch for the brain, and she says “do they have pilates?” and he says “they do have pilates!” And then he says that he doesn’t wanna lie to her because he’s working through something — he doesn’t know why he feels things differently than other people. They do a little flirting. He just wanted to explain so that he didn’t become “that nutcase you dated in high school” and Carrie says “how about my high school boyfriend who was the best kisser ever” and then they do sex — and they’re not the only ones!!!
Miranda and Robert are having sex while “Proud Mary” plays, but I am pretty sure it’s non-diegetic.
The next morning at Carrie’s, Stanford is over ranting about the Marcus situation. Or, as Carrie’s VO says “my other crazy boyfriend stopped by”. It is true, Marcus did it to put himself through dance classes and Stanford just wants to know why he kept it a secret. It’s not the escort thing, it’s the secret thing — he doesn’t wanna hear the truth from “some bitchy queen with back issues of Honcho”. He says they broke up. Carrie says “oh Stanny, really?”. So once again Stanford has no date to the prom. He asks Carrie to go. Carrie says “I can’t, I have to visit my boyfriend at the asylum”. Carrie is like ahh everybody is insane who cares and Stanford goes “you slept with him didn’t you?”. He says that’s how people start rationalizing the red flags. Honestly, I just love moments of Carrie and Stanford being true pals.
Carrie arrives at Juno Spears, the…..institution. They’re sitting outside in some gorgeous nature doing a picnic. In VO, Carrie says “I started to think Juno Spears should be mandatory for New Yorkers…like the Hamptons”. Then some guy comes running outside yelling “feces” and orderlies come to grab him. Jeremy says “who am I kidding, this is a full-on psychiatric facility”. Then he says it probably wasn’t the smartest to start something, but maybe when he gets out in 8-10 months. Carrie is shocked by this number and Jeremy says that his doctor thinks he still has work to do and that he likes it here because everybody’s crazy is out in the open. They agree that they are in different places. Carrie’s VO says “Ironically, it was the sanest break up I ever had”. Okay, but is that really even a break-up???
It’s prom night, and Carrie and Stanford are the king and queen. Chicago’s “If You Leave Me Now” starts playing and they both love the song so they start dancing. It’s very sweet. Carrie says she’s happy to be with the normal people again and then that the craziest part is she really thought she’d end up with her high-school boyfriend. They make some jokes then Carrie says “no more jokes, I might be dating him in 8-10 months”.
Just then, Marcus comes up to try and cut in. Carrie is surprised. Stanford says “no thanks, I already have an escort”. Marcus is sandwiched up to Carrie and he tells Stanford “honey, I didn’t tell you because it’s part of my past” and how he wants to dance on prom night. It’s very sweet. Carrie goes to get punch. Stanford and Marcus start dancing. Stanford says “just tell me one thing, did you ever sleep with that bitchy pine-nut Anthony?” To which Marcus says “god no”.
Carrie is now dancing alone at gay prom. In VO, she says “So maybe it won’t look the way you thought it would look in high-school. But it’s good to remember love is possible. Anything is possible…this is New York”.
They are REALLLLYYYY leaning into the THIS IS NEW YORK stuff this season. BLAH BLAH NEVER FORGET, WE KNOOOOOOOW.
Episode 11: The Domino Effect
Ugh, that dusty suit with a bloomberg terminal for a heart is back. Nightmare!
We open with Carrie fussing with her hair as she walks to meet Big for steak. Yes, she makes a Big pun in her VO but my ears closed over. She’s making fun of him for living in Napa. Big tells her that he is having a heart procedure done — an angioplasty. She starts sobbing in the most absurd way. He’s like “Carrie, calm down. Come on, don’t be such a sissy”. LOOOOOOOOOOOL. The captions say “[sobs hysterically]”.
Uptown, Miranda is coming home from work to find that Robert is cooking dinner for her. He tells Miranda that Magda let him in because she was excited for somebody to use the kitchen to prepare food. To which Miranda says “it’s a first”. He’s making enchiladas! She licks some sauce off his fingers (he puts two into her mouth very…confidently). It’s a nice thing he’s doing!
She says “how am I going to repay you for all this?” He goes “I have one idea…” to which she says “done”. Obviously he means doing sex! But he says no, it’s related to that — take tomorrow off because Brady is with his dad and we can have a whole day. In VO, Carrie says that Miranda has never taken a personal day but then again nobody had ever made her enchiladas before.
STEVE LETS HIMSELF IN TO HER APARTMENT AND WALKS DOWN THE HALLWAY TO FIND HER AND ROBERT HAVING SEX HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH he freaks out then smashes his face into the wall.
Miranda is like omg why are you here and Steve is like why are YOU here?! And she says she took a personal day and that this is her boyfriend, Robert. Which is the first time she’s said that and Robert says he likes it. Then he’s helping Steve with his bloody nose and asks Miranda for a tampon so he can cut it in half and put it in Steve’s nose. HAHAHAHAH THIS GORGEOUS MAN WHO IS A DOCTOR FOR THE KNICKS…I LOVE IT. I know it’s supposed to be “emasculating” but the whole thing really is funny.
Cut to: lunch with the girls, Miranda is at the end of the story, and Carrie is like “that’s horrifying. I will continue to be horrified by that story all day long”. Then Sam says that Miranda won the break-up and Charlotte says that’s mean or whatever and Miranda says I can’t lie…I did take a small bit of a pleasure in it all HAHAHAHA I BET.
Miranda asks why she even cares and Carrie says some people just get under your skin and stay there. So then she brings up Big, obviously, and says that he’s having a heart thing and Miranda says “oh is he on the list to get one?” AHAHAHAHA GET HER AGAIN, MIRANDA!! Carrie is like oh you’re gonna feel bad in a minute (never) and then starts to tell the story about the angioplasty but starts crying again…Carrie, PLEASE pull it together.
BUT WAIT, Bitsy von Muffling spots them “yoohoo!! Ladies lunching4!” And then walks over to say hello and she’s PREGNANT. She says that Bobby has two names picked out “Judy or Barbara” becuase you know, he’s gay, remember? Then she says that she saw this amazing acupuncturist and that’s what solved her fertility issues. She departs, “I gotta run…or should I say waddle!”. I can’t help but love her she is so tall and chic and borders on camp. Never change, BITSY.
Charlotte says to the girls omg how is that possible she’s like 50 and Sam goes “and married to a [redacted]”. Cut to: Charlotte is at her appointment while all the ladies in the waiting room are talking about getting pregnant and how it all is a miracle but you gotta drink the teas and do the special herbs and whatever. When Charlotte goes in for her session, she’s telling the doctor all about everything she’s been through and he’s like yes I know all this but you gotta RELAX. Just call me Ben Wyatt, because acupuncture would not relax me at all.
Next, we’re with Carrie visiting Big at the hospital. She’s in this phase where her bra is always visible at the back. Anyways, she’s approaching his hospital bed and goes “how are you?” And he’s being all quiet and then goes “I’m alive!!!!!” And Carrie laughs/screeches. The nurse (Ruby) comes in to give him a fresh pillow and take his vitals and when Ruby helps him up to put another pillow behind him Carrie starts sobbing AGAIN my GOD. Ruby says “don’t worry your husband will be fine”. And that snaps Carrie out of her tears.
Sam and Smith are doing sex now that he’s back from his location filming. Then, they’re out walking to go to lunch and he keeps trying to grab her hand. Then she slips and falls into this open door in the sidewalk.
Cut to: Sam is limping with a cast and still wearing heels, of course. She’s seeing Carrie and Carrie asks what happens and Sam tells her about the open hatch and Carrie says that’s her biggest fear. Sam tells her Smith tried to hold her hand. Carrie goes “You mean to tell me Smith is a hand-holder?! And to think he once served us food!!!” Sam is like okay you laugh but I didn’t fuck anybody when he was away and I even missed him. Carrie says yeah I think he missed you too life is short maybe hold his hand? And Sam goes “ick!!”.
Carrie starts ranting about Big (of course) and she is wearing a truly ugly fedora. Which I know seems redundant to say but it really is VERY ugly. Then Sam says “ow” and Carrie says that if her foot hurts so much why are they shopping? But Sam says “I have a broken foot, not a broken spirit” I mean I guess?? But it really seems like she should (a) be in flats and (b) have crutches?? I’m no scientist, though.
Next, Carrie is doing writing and eating a Red Delicious apple which are so fucking gross I cannot focus on whatever profound question she’s asking. JK it’s “just how dangerous is an open heart?” BUT RED DELICIOUS APPLES ARE NOT DELICIOUS. THEY ARE SO SO SO BAD. THE WORST APPLES ON OFFER. THEY ARE DUSTY AND FLAVOURLESS. ICK! In the next episode she says she’s not really a fruit person so….maybe that’s why she chose the worst apple on earth?
Carrie calls the hospital but it turns out Big left already. So then we’re with Carrie at the Four Seasons because she knew he would be there. She comes into his room and she’s in a Candy Striper outfit. WHERE DID SHE GET THAT?! Big goes “Stop! Put your coat back on, are you trying to kill me? I can’t get excited” or whatever. She jokes “I’m in the union, I know the rules”. She even has the little paper hat?!
She brought a bunch of “PG fun” including dominos. He says “dominos?? Why don’t you just take of your dress and kill me now? Get it over with?”. I WISH, BIG. I WISH.
Across town, we’re with Miranda at the park. She’s putting some sunscreen on Brady when Steve and his girlfriend Debbie arrive. In VO Carrie says “Steve may have gotten knocked out the other day, but Miranda had no idea Steve’s girlfriend was such a knockout”. Then Miranda goes to shake Debbie’s hand and FALLS hahahaha. These two! Just then, Robert shows up. She introduces him. Robert asks if she’s okay because he saw her fall. Miranda says “Robert is just overprotective because he’s a doctor…for The Knicks”. Debbie gets VERY excited because Steve loves the Knicks. She’s VERY excited. Robert says he can usually get some free court-side seats if they ever want them and Debbie is STOKED but Steve says no. GROW UP, STEVE.
Back at acupuncture again, Charlotte cannot quiet her mind and then there’s a protest outside the window — Cuban Liberation Front — so she starts calling for Dr. Mao and he doesn’t come so she goes into the waiting room with the needles in her face and she’s like Dr. Mao, I can’t get centred!!! Back in the room, Dr. Mao says that New York will never quiet down, you need to be able to slow down and block out the noise.
Back with Sam and Smith, it’s a new day and he’s still trying to hold her hand. She’s like, okay I know what you want to do but I am not that kinda girl. Smith goes “Sam, I like you and you like me. I’ve had enough of this horseshit. Just hold my fuckin’ hand”. But his tone is not rude it’s like “come on”. She holds his hand and says “okay only until my foot heals!” A LIE. I love them.
Carrie is setting up some dominos and Big is telling her that they are too close together. And she’s like stop telling me what to do or whatever and then he goes “you don’t understand the delicate physics” and she goes “you’re right that’s more your generation whereas I came of age in the Parcheesi era”. He asks if this is what they’d be like in their old age, no sex and board games in their 70s and she goes “oh already thinking about your next birthday?” HAHAHAH and he goes “seriously, kid. Me and you. Early bird special” And she goes “yeah save me a baked potato I’ll meet you there”. Ooufffff. I mean, why would she take him seriously??? And why would he choose this moment? Because he is an absolute MORON and he just likes that she is taking care of him. Also, if somebody kept calling me “kid” I’d scream.
Big starts groaning a bit and he has a mild fever. Carrie is on the phone with the doctor people and everything is good. Then Big says “you’re an angel” and Carrie says “no I’m just doing my job” and then he grabs her hand and says “I’m serious….what are we doing? I’m talking about us. Life’s too short. What are we doing?” And Carrie just says “I don’t know” then lays down next to him. In VO, Carrie says it took the best heart surgeon in New York but Big’s heart was unblocked. In fact, it was wide open. WAS IT?????
Over at Miranda’s, Steve is dropping off the baby and says “so that was funny the other day”. Miranda says “yeah it was fun” and then it’s just awkward. Steve and his black eye. They have a pause….that’s like…a moment….then Robert emerges and says “Morning, Steve! How’s that nose!” And Steve says “it’s good, I keep telling people that Debbie punched me…she loves that”.
Charlotte is minding her business, walking with purpose, when once again she runs into Bitsy who then starts ranting about all the fertility things and Charlotte is finally able to tune out the noise.
Back with Carrie and Big, Carrie asks how he feels and he says “better, I feel like myself again” and then she goes to touch his forehead and he brushes her off. Then he gets up to go to the bathroom and knocks over some of the dominos. In VO, she says “it was a shift imperceptible to anyone but me. Big’s heart had closed back up”. Simply untrue, we can all perceive that??? That’s uh…main text of the episode??? Carrie goes to kick over the rest of the dominos but the succession stops and they don’t all tip over. Metaphor, I guess?
Episode 12: One
I’ll be crying at this episode.
We open with Charlotte and Carrie going to see an art installation. It’s a woman who sits there and does not talk or eat. She’s up on a platform thing, and there’s a metronome? Carrie and Charlotte are whispering about the art which Carrie thinks is silly. Charlotte says that when she was working in galleries performance art was more theatre than installation and that this woman has pushed it to the next level. Carrie says “well girlfriend needs to push a comb through her hair” and they both laugh. Then Carrie starts looking around and her eyes meet…………The Russian aka Mikhail Baryshnikov aka Aleksandr Petrovsky.
As Charlotte and Carrie are leaving the gallery, he emerges again and Charlotte is like OMG that’s Aleksandr Petrovsky and so she goes over to him to thanks him because one of his works was her first big sale in the galleries. He asks what Charlotte thinks of the art today and she says “very moving…significant” and Carrie says “uhh it was good” and then he says, oh but you thought it was funny? You were laughing. Then Carrie says that there are lots of women doing the same thing in New York, sitting at home waiting for some guy to call. Then she adds that she bets the women isn’t even here all night and she has the knife ladder to keep her from going out for a snack.
Then Aleksandr asks “and who are you?” And Carrie goes “what do you mean?” And he goes “you are comic?” And then she says no and Charlotte is complimenting him again and he isn’t really patting attention and leaves. Then Carrie imitates him to Charlotte and goes “you are comic?”.
Over at Miranda’s, Robert has arrived with pizza and something else. She says “you walk by me no kiss?” And then he says “I wanted to use both my hands” and grabs her butt and they do kissing. Then she asks what the little box is and he says it’s a surprise. Then he gets a page because one of his players got a knee injury. He goes “what is a 6’8” pro basketball player doing on a skateboard???” On his way out he says “goodnight beautiful!”. Then Miranda opens the small box and it’s a cookie that says “I love you” and she panics and starts eating it.
Cut to: Miranda and Carrie are out for a walk (destination unknown) and she says that Robert told her I love you on a cookie and Carrie is like oh is it the fact that he said it or that he said it on a cookie? And Miranda says “it has to be the cookie! Because he’s great, right?” And Carrie goes “well I didn’t wanna have to be the one to tell you….he’s perfect”. Miranda says he IS perfect and has been so cute helping to plan Brady’s birthday which is this Saturday. Carrie says there better not be a clown and Miranda promises there will not be.
They’re at lunch with Sam waiting for Charlotte. Sam pulls out her glasses and they make a comment and she says, yes I wear glasses, I have a hot man who fucks me, blah blah and whatever. They look great! Then Carrie asks if she’s heard of Aleksandr and Sam starts talking about how he was the it guy at Studio 54 and then doing the math on how old he is and then Miranda does the reverse math on her age and goes “so that would make you…” and Sam says “I’m 40-fucking-5 and I have nothing to hide” that’s right, Sam!!!!!!
Then Charlotte comes to brunch and says that she’s pregnant. Everybody is so excited. She’s about 3 weeks along. Then Sam says “excuse me” and scratches her coochie. She is growing out her bush because Smith likes it. Of course they do a close up shot of this action:
Another day, Carrie is sitting by her window with a magazine and some iced tea. Aleksandr is calling her. She keeps saying “wrong number” and hanging up HAHAHAHAHA. He calls back one final time and he goes “I’m afraid it’s me again…I’m sorry I’m having a bit of trouble here…..” And then she goes “sir, I cannot understand you” (I mean?? You’ve never met somebody in NEW YORK CITY that has an accent?? in NEW YORK CITY??) and he goes “it’s Aleksandr Petrovsky” and then she panics and pretends to call herself over. He goes “that was you before…yes?” And she says oh no that was my sister. He’s asking if she’s still laughing at the artist “that she eats all night Big Macs” he says they should go at 3am to see if she really is there all night and she says “you’re not serious” and he says “I am serious, she is serious, you are the one who is not serious”. Then he says yeah we can meet at 1am and have dinner first and she says oh 1am mysterious location am I going to get sold into white slavery (YIKES) and he goes “I don’t know what this means” and she says “it was a joke” and then he says “okay, comic”.
Carrie’s phone rings again and it’s Harry. Charlotte had a miscarriage. Carrie is immediately at their apartment. Carrie and Harry have a sweet moment. Ugh. Friendship, real friendship. Carrie goes into he livingroom where Charlotte is just sitting, clearly been crying. Carrie sits down and Harry says that the good news it hey got pregnant. She asks if Charlotte wants tea. Charlotte says “I can’t go to Brady’s party on Saturday”. And Carrie goes “Okay. She’ll understand”. And strokes her hair.
Over at Miranda’s, Robert and her are talking about the party and she says that Steve just has to bring the cake and then Robert comes up behind her and says “you like chocolate don’t you?” HEAGORJAHRISTJRLKSGDJKJFLJGADFSKL. She turns around and he brings up the cookie and she says she was going to mention it if he gave her a minute and then he says “it was 5 days ago”. WOOF. She kinda gets out of it awkwardly??
Later, she’s home alone watching Jules & Mimi and guess what…they are saying “I love you” Hahahahahahahha. Naturally, she calls Carrie to say “I am so fucked up!” And Carrie is like, okay we gotta divide and conquer what’s going on and then Miranda starts freaking out about how she can’t say it and how she thought that one day all of her bullshit would go away and she would be able to say it to the one, and then is Robert the one?? Is she going to ruin her life?? Carrie tells her to get a good night’s sleep, turn off the show, and see how she feels in the morning. Oh boy.
Carrie is doing more writing because I mean, she has plans at 1am? She writes, “I couldn’t help but wonder….when would waiting for the one be done?” Sure...
Sam is blow drying her hair and decides to blow dry her bush when she spots a grey pube. Oh no?? The horror??? Cut to: she decided to dye her bush with some Clairol Nice & Simple, which is INSANE DO NOT PUT THIS BY YOUR COOTER? Anyways, it turned red because yeah you can’t just dye your pubes blonde……
It’s Saturday and Miranda’s hosting Brady’s birthday. Steve’ and his Ma come in and she’s saying she brought a clown and how it’ll be fun even though Brady is the only kid (???). But she paid the clown so he can open the door. Mary also brought her own beer. I love her.
Debbie comes in and her and Mary are super buds. Harry comes in with a big present and Miranda of course asks about Charlotte and he says that she said she just wasn’t strong nought o come and he doesn’t know what to do. Miranda is welling up a bit and says that Charlotte just needs to feel it. Then she takes Harry’s hand and says there’s food. Yeah I’m getting choked up because I love how close they all are and the idea of being a family with your friends is everything.
Carrie arrives and THERE’S A CLOWN even though she was promised no clowns. Sam immediately approaches her and is like omg I need you to see something and Carrie is like well I want some food etc and Sam gives her the plate she’s holding.
Sam pulls her into the bathroom to tell her about the pube and Carrie is like, who cares?? This is part of getting old, which you said?? And Sam says eyesight is one thing but THIS doesn’t get old, and Smith won’t want to “fuck grandma’s pussy” and Carrie is like omg this is a child’s birthday party — YOU’RE IN ROOM WITH THE DOORS CLOSED. Then Sam is like okay I am not telling you everything and then explains the dye and Carrie is like you have 10 sections and Sam just flashes her. In VO, Carrie says “turns out there is something scarier than a clown”.
Charlotte is at home watching the E! True Hollywood Story on Elizabeth Taylor, which inspires her to get dressed up and leave the house, looking CHIC AS HELL.
Over at Brady’s party, Debbie approaches Miranda to say that she’s glad everything worked out because Robert is great and she really loves Steve. Then she walks away. Robert gives Miranda a hug from behind and asks when it’s cake time. Miranda says she will go get it.
Miranda goes into the laundry room where they are keeping the cake. SHe’s about to add candles when Steve comes into the room and closes the door to show her the big number 1 candle he got and she says “I love you. I love you, Steve. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said that because I fucked everything up” and then covers her face and he says “I love you, too” and he she goes “you go?” And he goes “I mean, come on…” and Miranda asks “what about Debbie?” And he goes “I know, but, Miranda..you’re the one”. They start doing kissing where there is a knock at the door and it’s Magda who has a knowing look on her face. I love her!!
Everybody is in party hats and singing to Brady when Charlotte arrives and I’m crying. Her and Miranda make eye contact and exchange a loving smile. I’m SOBBING. In VO, Carrie says “3 weeks later…Miranda and Steve got their wish. They were back together”.
Cut to: Carrie arriving to meet Aleksandr. In VO she says “from a 1 year old’s birthday party to a 1am dinner party”. He says she’s late, it’s 1:03 and she says she doesn’t wear a watch. He asks how she knows what time it is. She says “somebody will always tell me”. Then she says that downstairs is very red and he says “sadly this is expected of Russia”. She asks what the dinner is and it’s all this Russian food and whyyy would she want VEAL ASPIC AT 1AM? She says she has an art question and goes “as you know, Alexander” and he tries to teach her how to say his name right and she can’t and he goes “just call be Bob” then she says that she writes a column for a newspaper and he goes “congratulations”. ??????????????????????????????
She’s trying to ask him about Studio 54 and he says “what is there to remember? Martha Graham’s face, Andy Warhol’s wig?” Lololol and then he says he rarely thinks about the past but tries to think about what’s in front of him and whatever whatever
Over at Sam’s, she tells Smith that she has something to show him but not to freak out….she takes off her robe and we see him go “oh man…where’d it all go”. And she says she shaved — she knows he likes a full bush but there is something he should know……and starts talking about how she’s too busy for a bush or whatever instead of admitting the grey hair.
Back on this weird date, Carrie asks what he likes about New York and he says it’s honest and people don’t try to hide their sadness or whatever and she’s like wo you’re so Russian you got me outta bet to talk about pain?? Anyways, she asks if he knows any jokes and then he tells her to take a banana for later and she says she’s not a fruit person and then when she puts it in her purse he makes a joke “is that a banana in your purse or are you just happy to see me?”.
Later, they’re arriving at the gallery when she realizes she left her purse in the cab. He uses his ballet skills to run after the cab, including some big leaps, and he gets her purse back. They go inside and yes, the woman IS there. He whispers “do you wanna give her your banana” hAHAHAH. In VO she says “of all my odd dates, this was number one”.
Outside the gallery, Carrie hails a cab and the driver is Russian so him and Aleksandr start talking. The cab drives away. Carrie says “where’s he going?” And He says “I asked him to wait so we could have proper goodnight”. They’re standing very close and he says he lives near here and she says oh I thought you lives downtown and he said that is near, and then she makes another studio 534 comment ai don’t care. Then he kisses her hand. They do other kissing.
That’s end of 6a!!!!!! There is much more to come before we embark on SATC: The Movie, including my continued hatred for The Russian/my most annoyed at Carrie era, weddings, cancer, and more crying.
Winston Bishop, iykyk.
Such a banger. See also the “Why Can’t I” by Liz Phair needle drop in 13 Going on 30 or the “This Kiss” by Faith Hill needle drop in Practical Magic.
Hook (1991)
Shoutout to Elaine Stritch